


Magnum Opus

by AphoticAmaranth



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-08-27 02:37:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16693834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AphoticAmaranth/pseuds/AphoticAmaranth
Summary: Monika gets a magnum.





	Magnum Opus

This summer heat is really one of the worst. It is so hot outside, that you could make eggs and toast on the pavement. All I want on such a day is my favourite magnum ice cream. What’s taking him so long?!

The shopkeeper had requested to see my ID card, asked me several questions about my mental health, and told me to wait for a few minutes while he does a background check. I have no idea what he’s up to, but if this is his way of trying to play my non-existent route, that’s no way to go about doing it! In the first place, he’s old enough to be Natsuki’s dad! Just hurry up and give me my ice cream already, Dan it!

Maybe I should just edit the weather and temperature… _No, stop it, Monika. You promised yourself to never again misuse your powers. Remember when you edited a couple of variables and killed half the literature club? Pepperidge farm remembers._

After what feels like forever, he finally speaks up. “That will be ¥100,000, please.”

I’m not sure if he’s trolling, or just stupid. “¥100,000?! Are you for real?! That’s ridiculous!”

“The usual price is ¥200!” he replies, his voice loud and cheerful.

“I’d like to buy it for the usual price, then.”

“200! = 7.8866e374”

“Nevermind… Why is it so expensive?!”

“We stock only the finest magnums, freshly imported from America! But for a limited time only, we have a special offer, to commemorate r/DDLC reaching a hundred thousand subscribers…”

“That was over two months ago! We are now at a hundred and four thousand…”

“Okay, so I’ll charge you ¥104,000 then…”

“No! Fine, I’ll take it.”

He has a sense of humour, I’ll give him that. I know I shouldn’t abuse my powers, but I suppose just this once wouldn’t hurt. “Greedisgood 100000” I mutter under my breath. I reach for my purse in my bag, but to my horror, my bag is overflowing with not just money, but lumber too!

…Oh. Ahahaha!

I can probably fix this, I think…

I delete the logs one by one, but they are appearing faster than I can delete them. At this rate, I’ll--

No! I can’t give up now! There has to be a way to fix this!

“Delete from items.dbo.inventory where characterName = ‘Monika’ and itemName like ‘%log%’;” I exclaim. Soon enough, all the logs start disintegrating and vanishing. I gently open my bag…

... My homework!

I had stayed up all night long to complete this logarithm assignment, and now, it’s disappearing!

Oh well, nothing I can do about it. I run around the shop, picking up all of the ¥1 coins, and hand them to the shopkeeper.

The shopkeeper slowly counts each coin, before finally handing me a box. Took him long enough. I immediately snatch the box from him, tear it open, and pour the contents into my mouth.

The magnum is cold and refreshing, but the taste is a little off. It reminds me of Yuri’s knives. Not like I’ve ever vored her knives or anything, dummy! I just… read about it in one of my books…

I bite it. It is harder than Litandus when he sees Fluffnika. Surprised, I spit it out, and it drops to the floor with a clunk. I take a look and see that it’s a magnum alright, but not the ice cream I wanted. It’s a .44 caliber magnum pistol.

What the hell.

_What the hell?!_

“Why would you sell me a gun?!” I exclaim.

“What were you expecting? You came here demanding a magnum, you got a magnum.” the shopkeeper calmly replied. “After all, we are a gun shop--”

“Gun shop?! Your advertisement said ‘fun shop’!”

The shopkeeper takes out his mobile phone, scrolling through it. “Impossible, you must have read it wrong... Oh. Ahahaha! I guess I made a little tpyo. Ducking autocorrectaaaaaaaa...”


End file.
